nows me, especially the people that have known me for a long time if I am a follower milk would come out their nose as they choked at the thought, however I find myself becoming less and less of a leader and wanting to lead less and less and as time goes by. I am not sure what to attribute this too but it is happening. I can be very controlling, but I have this excessive interpretation that my mother instilled in me when I was very young that "if you want something done right you have to do it yourself." And that you can rarely rely on other people. I can't stand to see someone else in a group do something and know that I could do it better. As a leader I find it very easy to create a relaxed environment where everyone can be open and honest and share their ideas. This has always been important to me; I use my charisma and my gift of gab. Everyone here just gets to read whatever I type, I don't know how it comes across but in person and in speech I would describe myself as a very intense person. In a group as a leader I want everyone comfortable, I want everyone to fell they belong and are safe from ridicule by their peers for sharing their ideas no matter how pathetic they are. I learned young to use humor as a defense mechanism in my household, as I got older I evolved this into a sales tool, and if you have the ability to make someone laugh, anytime, anywhere, in any situation, you use it. Laughter is something that unites people I have learned through my experiences. Just like first impressions matter an initial meeting of a small group, which will shortly become a team it is highly important to set the tone and standard very quickly. If I am the team leader you will know what kind of team you will be working in within a matter of 60 seconds or so.

I just throw out all my cards on the table and that's that. This is our common goal, this is the time frame it has been given to us within which to complete it, I want everyone comfortable, sharing his or her best ideas and experiences, and that is not optional. If we run into problems between individuals or the entire group this is how we will be dealing with it, as your group team leader this is what I expect, this is what I will not tolerate, et cetera.

Next I would rely on that reciprocal self-disclosure and give everyone a chance to share what they think, anything about themselves they deem relevant, have them identify their strengths and weaknesses in addition to their learning and communication styles. The division of work within a group can follow a natural order often times and assign itself just based on the strengths of the members. I find by being very blunt and to the point in a leadership position in a small team at the very beginning not only encourages the other members of the group to do the same thing but it helps define the atmosphere we are working in and that I get taken seriously, which is an obvious plus. I want those people walking out of our first meeting and saying, "maybe this group won't be so bad," or better yet, "hey this might actually be fun." Not for my own ego, I don't really care what anyone thinks of me because if you don't love me I know someone else will but if a group is united through my style of leadership and the unique environments I create before they really get to know one another that is not a bad thing. The members of the group are going to get to know a whole lot about me how I do things and such in a very short period of time. It is likely to take a longer period d of time for them to get to know one another to the same level and extent, so if I can be that cornerstone they all can rely on and can lead in a consistent fashion that will build trust and all the group members know that the same rules apply to them all.

There are many things I do to encourage everyone to participate, in the very beginning everyone is going to participate, I have bee called along of things and I am not known for being gentle with people that are shy or just not talkative and outgoing like I am. I recognize different personality types and ways of learning and communication but you are absolutely not going to get to hide in the shadows in a team I am the leader of This is something I establish early on, once they reelize I am serious, there is no way out of it I usually point out that the quicker and further they take the plunge the easier everything will be for the duration. I believe in positive reinforcement though rather than negative reinforcement. I know that I respond much better to positive reinforcement. By highlighting an individuals area of expertise, experience or past successes is the presence of their team members works nicely. I will allow that one person to linger in the shadows a little bit while everyone discusses but I will call on them and basically force them to participate just as everyone else. When I do this, the other members of the group all turn to that person with their undivided attention and I know that person probably hates me at the moment, but I can live with that. Also though I like to take a person like that aside, one on one outside of the group and let them know, it's nothing personal and I know that they aren't comfortable communicating this way or that way or would prefer to hide in the shadows, give them some positive reinforcement, point how well they did, cite specific examples, cite the unique experience and ideas they have, make them realize that they have something to contribute to the team.

Disruptions, this is easy for me, men are solution oriented. All the women in here, you know when you start crying and just want to be held and listened to, where there isn't a black and white problem and resolution because women seem to experience emotions more intensely and abstractly then men? Well when you start crying, I just want you to stop, ok so, "What's wrong baby?" There I am trying to identify the problem so I can fix it (as quickly as possible) and make you stop crying. It's how we think. Well these natural tendencies serve me well in a group. Disruptive behavior can be summed up with: identify that something is disruptive or detrimental the project or team, accept it and communicate openly about it, explore resolutions and alternative, enact the appropriate measure to resolve the problem and move on. I necessary repeat the cycle. I could get much more in depth but that sums up how I deal with problems in general. As a leader I need to be sensitive to the needs of everyone in the group and strive to find a win-win situation for everyone but also be have the ability to stand up and let someone know that they are being ridiculous and irrational and explain it to them. If someone is being a disruptive idiot they need to be told, in a more professional way of course. You don't want to anger your team members, you don't want to alienate them or make them feel bad, but sometimes you have to put your foot down. Having the guts to put your foot down is one skill in itself, but infinitely more important I believe that knowing when to put that foot down and with what level of force. This is a learned skill that a leader attains over time and I don't believe can be taken from any one theory or field of study. There are aspects of this straight out of communication yes but also sociology, psychiatry, even logic in a programming sense

We all have insecurities, we all fear rejection, man fears what he does not know. I believe these things apply to all of us but as a leader you need to portray an image of yourself even if it's completely false. Remember when we read about power bases. Most of those can be based on one's perception of another’s power. If you perceive that I have the ability to reward or penalize you then you are giving me power and influence over you in that group whether I actually have either of those powers in reality. Likewise the group needs to see me as a charismatic leader who is organized, confident, a natural leader, someone who is laid back but not going to roll over and play dead for anyone, what I expect from them and so on. If you are not a natural born leader, no problem, maybe you use that fact to your advantage but if the group members perceive you as being a strong leader and someone they can trust and feel comfortable following then you have that power whether you do or not.

I say that manipulation of people, their thought, and their emotions is neither good nor bad, it is how any given person uses those skills that make them benevolent or malevolent. I often have to stop and think, 'ok I want to elucidate this reaction, mindset or action out of this given person. What do I need to do in order to get that response.' Being able to recognize you have this power is a huge step that takes quite a bit of time usually, and being able to use it effectively in communication is something that took me forever. It's an interesting concept. Let me give an example though. If Bob is more qualified than Suzie to do part x of our project and Suzie doesn't care one way or another, I don't necessarily have to convince Bob to do it, Suzie will volunteer for part y and I can let Bob create the illusion that he is volunteering to do the part I want him to do even if I am manipulating him with a carrot and a stick. What do I have to say to make Bob realize how qualified he is. Maybe Bob doesn't really want to do part x, but is the best qualified, then I have to ask ok, what do I need to say or do to put Bob in a situation where he is going to change his mind and become a willing participant in it and want to do it. This all seems a bit complicated I am sure but it dramatically decreases the probability that I get viewed as an iron-fisted leader and no one feels like I am shoving an assignment down their throat. There are always exceptions, but a good leader should be well aware of the actual perceived views of his subordinates.

Sean Patrick DeHoney
sean@farpoint-systems.com
Dee Sloan wrote:
As a team leader how will you conduct group discussions? How can you ensure all members participate? What are some disruptive behaviors? How will you handle these behaviors within the team?